Sean Kennedy pointed out that these are similar to, but not quite like, this piece at The Onion .
Tonight's Television Season Premieres: FOX 8:00 Real Humans in Real Pain 8:30 Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape 9:00 Jiggle It Beach 9:30 LA Chicks 10:00 Beverly Hills 90210: The 90,210th Episode CBS 8:00 Cosby 8:30 The Cosby Show 9:00 Everybody Loves Cosby 9:30 Cosby, Texas Ranger 10:00 Kids Say the Cutest Frickin' Things, Hosted by Bill Cosby ABC 3PM Monday Night Football 8:00 The Nauseating World of Disney 8:30 Sappy Days 9:30 Boredom Meets World 10:00 2 Guys a Girl and a Whole Lotta Warm-Fuzzies NBC 8:00 Dateline 8:30 Dateline 9:00 Dateline 9:30 Dateline 10:00 Best of Dateline UPN 8:00 The Unwatchables 8:30 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Ratings 9:00 Theoretically Existing Show 9:30 Praying For Syndication 10:00 The Last Thing You'd Ever Want To Sit Through WB 8:00 Where My Wife At? 8:30 Gittin' Yo Freak On 9:00 Buffy Wears a Wonder-Bra 9:30 Kids Suck The Darndest Things 10:00 Dawson's Crack ANIMAL PLANET 8:00 Incontinent Rhinos 9:00 Dan Taylor: Mongoose Optometrist 10:00 STAY! 10:30 They Smell Fear, Don't They? E! 8:00 Andy Gibb: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills 9:00 Margot Kidder: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills 10:00 Boy George: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills ESPN2 8:00 Finland's Brutalest Men 8:30 Being Hit By A Trolley Regional Semifinals 9:00 60 Minutes Of Joe Theismann's Leg Breaking 10:00 Co-Ed Spread-Eagled Weight -Training From Maui SCI-FI 8:00 Space: 1972 9:00 The Bermuda Triangle: Myth or Fiction? 10:00 Mid-Budget Galaxy LIFETIME 8:00 How Can I Choose Between My Daughters? 9:00 The Abused Wife Who Didn't Mean To Kill Her Policeman Husband In Self-Defense 10:00 The Boy Whose Mommy Watched Far Too Much Television TNN 8:00 Well, I'll Be Dipped In Pigshit! 9:00 You Hush Up, Wanda Mae 9:30 Sheeeeeeee-It! 10:00 Hold 'Er Down While I Get The Rifle From The Truck
Tuesday, February 9th, 1999 danlyke@flutterby.com