Technician's Rhapsody
Lyrics by Charles Miller, music by Queen.
Please reproduce with credits intact.
Is there a Real Life, or is it a fantasy?
Stuck on the help-desk, no escape to reality.
Open your eyes, pick up the phone and say:
"Good afternoon, Blah-net, how can I help you?"
and then it's: "World wide web just won't go!"
"What's your browser?" "I don't know!"
Every time the phone rings,
something like this happens to me,
to me.
Admin, I just killed init.
Thought I was logged in as 'fred',
kill dash one, now it's dead.
Damnit, root access was fun,
and now I've gone and thrown it all away!
Admin, oo-ooh. Didn't mean to make you cry,
if those disks still don't fsck this time tomorrow,
reinstall it from tape. Does that server really matter?
Too late. I've killed the Sun.
Sends shivers down my spine, lusers ringing all the time.
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go.
My shift is done, and damn, I need a beer!
Users, aaaaaaaaaaargh!
Why don't they just die?
I sometimes wish they'd never been born at all.
I hear the stilted phone manner of a tech.
Holy shit! Holy shit! Let's ask him about Netscape!
Modem hit by lightning, can you help me log in please?
Make it go! Make it go!
Make it go! Make it go!
What do you mean "get a clue?"
GET A CLUE!
I'm just a poor tech, everybody phones me.
He's just a poor tech, from a small company,
spare him his life from that monstrosity!
Network's up, phones are slow, will you let me code?
The phone rang, No! We will not let you code!
Let him code!
The phone rang, we will not let you code!
Let him code!
The phone rang, we will not let you code! (Let him code!)
Never, never, never, never let him code!
No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Mr Admin, Mr Admin, Mr Admin let me code.
O'Reilly Books! Have a shelf set aside for me, for me, for me!
So you think you should phone me and tell me a lie,
about how it's all our fault that Windows has died?
Oh, luser. Don't do this to me, luser.
I've got to get out. Just got to get right out of here.
Something like this happens, everyone can see...
something like this happens, something like this happens,
to me...
every time the phone rings...
Tuesday, September 14th, 1999 danlyke@flutterby.com