In response to my flurry of musings about Burning Man , I got some feedback asking me to write more about the sex scene there.
And I choked.
Sure, it's easy to tell of the fetish stuff, the pony people pulling carts for arrogant masters, the leather, the spankings, the folks hanging from hooks in their backs. But on the fetish scene, I'm just a spectator, so I try not to take energy from them.
And I can talk about the dropped passes, how I just didn't know where to take the conversation with those cute women from B.C. in the camp across Uranus from us when complaints about the cold were made (and these were the women who put naked pictures of themselves up on the PortaPotties to make the wait in line less tedious. Thank you!).
It's a little easier to talk of the costumes because I participated a bit more there, with stuffed Rolling Stones style lips and tongue worn strategically, or the zoom lens in the strap-on harness as a commentary on the photographers, and I saw others with variously sized phalli sculptures, or a woman with a strategically placed dream catcher or...
But see, right there I'm on the edge of talking about friends and sex, and I feel like I'm invading privacies. And if I write about the spaces with public sex and leave out my own activities, I'm contributing to the spectator vibe, if I recount them, then because people know who I was hanging out with I'm invading privacy.
Similarly, I've had some interesting experiences recently, ones that raised some neat questions about motivations and expectations and relationships. But I feel hobbled because to tell them gives away enough about those involved that I feel invasive, and they aren't complete enough to recount as fiction.
And so I'm stuck on this edge, wondering if the reason I don't just ask "Hey, can I write about some of our more intimate moments for an audience of hundreds, and that'll be around for my lifetime?" is that I'm shy for me, or for them.
Another option would be to start an anonymous journal. But I don't want to divide my energies, and as I wrote about back in April I want to be as honest about myself to the world as I possibly can, because that's the only way I can create the culture in which I really want to live.
Your suggestions and prodding are appreciated.
Tuesday, September 14th, 1999 danlyke@flutterby.com