Flutterby™! : SFBG sex issue 2002-09-26 16:00:35+00

SFBG sex issue

2002-09-26 16:00:35+00 by Dan Lyke 13 comments

It took Debra linking to it to remind me, but the SF Bay Guardian Sex issue is out. A Bay Area sex poll reveals just how similar to the rest of the country we are, except that we'll talk about it. Bunch of other good stuff.

Speaking of which, I've had some discussions about sex spaces at Burning Man, and how they relate to similar events in the city, and what's wrong and right with various sexy subcultures in the area, and how those subcultures map onto communities, and maybe some of this will be the impetus to pull Flutterby out of the techie doldrums. Just a little titillation about titillation to tell y'all that I still am interested in sex and drugs, not just the technology.

I only saw (on purpose) the fringe of the sex and drug scene at )^(, but it was fascinating. Old hat to most of you, but the mix of drugs and music (Ectasty and Techno/Trance mostly) was alluring.

And, if it will help start a conversation: To me, sex falls into two categories: mutual masterbation and Sex. The difference is that the emotional involvement level in Sex is much higher.

I've only tried it once, but Ecstacy was not my drug. My experience was very much "Oh, this is what it's like. But this is boring and I'm trapped like this for a few hours." Different outside stimulus might have changed things, but oddly the thought of trance while on E sounds like the most heinous levels of purgatory to me.

One of the things I'm learning after posting some "dream theme camp" ideas to certain forums is that even if I'd gone looking for it I'd only have seen the fringes of the sex scene at Burning Man. After a few recent conversations it sounds like with the population explosion most of the erotic spaces have gone deep into the invitation-only spaces of camps.

And I'm not going to delve into the definitions of sex, there be dragons there ("...what your definition of 'is' is..."), but for my own use I think that distinction between mutual masturbation and sex works well. But ask the guys coming out of Steamworks

whether they just had sex and... I'm not sure that definition is universally applicable.

Don't get me wrong, mutual masterbation is still sex, it's just different from Sex. And.. depending upon what you are looking for at the time, neither is really superior...

As for the rest, I've always wanted to go to a Rave but I am so not in the right circles to know anybody in that crowd who could introduce me to the scene. (I'm not in any circles, actually. But that's a whole 'nother whine.) I met a guy online once - we were building up a good rapport when he asked me if we were into Raving. I asked him what that was and never heard from him again. I absolutely love techno/trance though. And dressing up in wild outfits (Halloween is almost here!! :-) And in general acting looney like I've gotten into the "good stuff". Except I've got a thing about drugs - I don't/won't do them. (Usually this is the point where I get people jumping all over my [percieved] elitist, preachy attitude - until I explain that this applies to all drugs. I don't even take asprin unless I absolutely cannot function.)

)^( = Lazy way to type "Burning Man". Shawn. get to a rave. Drink/eat only what you are sure of. and party away. If you are having a good time without chemicals no one will care, because you are having a good time. And when they hug you..and are a little goofy, hug them back. Tell them you love them like you mean it and feel the love.

And when they hug you..and are a little goofy, hug them back. Tell them you love them like you mean it and feel the love.

I think this is part of the trouble I have with being social. I'm very much into goofiness and hugging, but so very put off by sappy, "feel the love" attitudes.

I'd do a rave in a minute if a) I had the time/money (do they usually cost?) and b) I knew somebody who could take me. (I have real trouble doing things on my own.)

I don't see it as a sappy 'feel the love'. I think of it as a shared euphoria kind of warm brotherly/sisterly thing. Without the chemical help, it takes a little doing, you have to genuinely want to shut down your normal protective defenses and just love your fellow humans a little, just because they are. Find a (cute and female optional) raver and say.. 'will you take me to my first rave?'

I haven't been to one, either, Shawn, and would surely be willing to go. But as I recall, we're in different SMSAs, aren't we... sigh... (I give good hug, though, rave or no rave, drugs or no drugs. And love just sorta comes along with it.)

Um... that's exactly what I call "sappy" (or "smarmy", depending on my headspace of the moment). I remember a moment back in high school when I was going through a really tough time - very depressed. My group of friends told me to come on down to the music room with them. I tagged along as they went to one of the sound-proof rooms - where they proceeded to start singing "Lean On Me" to me and generally trying to do the "warm brotherly love" thing. I was totally wigged out and fled the scene, post haste. In totally different respects, upon graduation, I found out that these people were not quite the friends I had thought them to be. In retrospect, it didn't do much to improve my opinion of the aforementioned behavior/attitude.

I'm slowly coming to realize that my concept of "love" doesn't jive with most other peoples'. I actually do care about, respect and have concern for people. I'm really quite emotional - I cry a lot at movies. I like to hug, touch and be touched. But I couldn't say that I really Love anyone - not in the typically defined sense. My wife comes the closest to this, but even then I view our relationship in a more... well... Vulcan sense. That is to say, the relationship is stable and enjoyable because it is mutually beneficial to us. (I'm sure she doesn't feel this way, but that's the way I appear to be wired.) We work well as a team, I find her physically, emotionally and mentally attractive (and I hope she does me), many of her strengths offset my weeknesses, we can have meaningful, intelligent conversations, etc.

As to the "cute raver chick", I haven't the foggiest idea where to find one except at a rave - catch22.

Thanks for the offer Diane. I think you and I are going to have to meet some day ;-) Where're you at again? I'm up in the Seattle area.

San Jose, CA. "Standard Metropolitan Statistical Area". (My urban planner background is peeking through...)

I used to also have the 'vulcan' outlook.... Changed. Way to late to do much good, but I am still glad I changed.